


Snarry

by charlotteschaos



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Fluff and Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-05-06
Updated: 2005-05-06
Packaged: 2017-12-30 23:10:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1024504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlotteschaos/pseuds/charlotteschaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Severus finally admit their feelings for one another. This is a parody. And extreme crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Snarry

"Harry, I have to tell you something."

"Professor Snape! Oh, is it about the Pensieve thing? I've been meaning to apologise..."

"No, no Harry. I thought that was kind of... cute, actually. I admired your bum for a moment..."

"My bum, Professor?"

"Yes. Well... errr... let me get on with it, shall I? I love you, Harry. I've always loved you."

"Always?"

"Yes. Every since I met you."

"When I was eleven?"

"Yes. Right then. I've been hiding it."

Harry nodded and blinked. "Hiding it rather well, actually. I got the impression that you loathed me."

"Yes, well," Snape said, crossing his arms. "Fooled you, didn't I?"

Harry laughs. "You sure did! So you loved me since I was eleven. Doesn't that make you a pedophile?"

"Well, yes, pretty much. But I don't see how that affects our relationship."

"But I'm almost 16, aren't I getting a bit old for you?"

Snape clears his throat. "Err... well... I... could umm... make an exception... err.. I mean... did you know that your mother and I were great friends?"

Harry was shocked. "Really? You were?"

"Oh yes, Lily and I go WAAAY back."

"Because... when I saw in the Pensieve...which is completely my fault and you were totally justified in ending my Occlumency lessons which resulted in my Godfather's death, which I somehow have managed to forgive you for with absolutely no reason other than you seem mysteriously hot... you called her a Mudblood."

"Yes, well. We made friends after that."

"Really? How."

Snape cleared his throat. "I err.. don't actually know. But look, I have letters from her that I'm producing to you just now because I want in your pants."

"Oh wow, really? Because I've longed for any scrap of memory about my parents since I found out I was adopted! Now I get to see these... just now... because you want in my pants! Thanks!" Harry looked the items over and then beamed. "I hope you don't think this is sudden, but I have to confess that... I've always loved you too!"

"Really? Since you were eleven?"

"Oh yes! I matured early because of all of that time in the cupboard. It didn't retard my ability to reach out to people at all! In fact, I can make long declarations of love. I want to look into your obsidian depths forever, Professor! Let me slide my fingers through your tendrils of surprisingly soft, shiny hair that only look greasy and stringy to the uninformed!"

"Oh Harry, you have made me so happy! But you mean that... if you've always loved me... we could've been getting freaky with it since before you hit puberty?"

Harry nodded.

"Damn! I should've been putting a stopper in you instead of in death! Let's not waste any more time, Harry! I want to marry you! And also, call me Severus. No... Sev for short. Or Sevvie."

"Call me Har, Sevvikins! Oh Sev, Severus of the onyx hair who has bewitched my very soul! You art such a brilliant potions maker! If only there were a way I could carry your spawn!"

"Oh but Harry, you can! You can! I have a special potion I've crafted ever-so-carefully for just this very moment! I call it my AssusBabius potion! I can impregnate you with my regular sperm coming from my 14 inch uncut schlong of mighty doom! Oh Harry, let me put it in you!"

Immediately Harry whirled around and bent over, sliding off his trousers. "Oh take me, take me you potions bully! I want to be ravaged like a 10 year old!"

"No! I cannot take you yet, my darling! I must prepare you first!" Pulling his wand, he slid it into Harry's rectum and announced, "LUBRICATUM!" and his insides were coated magically with a magic batch of really magical lubricant!

Severus slid in one finger.

Harry, "Ooooh!"

He slid in a second.

Harry, "Mmmm!"

Then he scissored his fingers a few times inside of Harry.

"You know... that feels kind of freaky."

"I'm stretching you, Harry! Your tight virgin ass will not withstand the mighty power of my Seeker of Doom!"

"Yessss!!!!" hissed Harry in Parseltongue (Not to mistaken for Parceltongue, the secret language of postal workers.)

Snape was driven out of his mind with a raging lust at the odd hissing noises coming from the boy. "Oh Harry, I've wanted you to do that freaky speaky at me since I heard you do it second year!"

"When I was 12?"

"Yes. I wanted to bend you over then because I have always loved you!"

"OH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!"

"I love it when you go all capslocky, Harry! My fingers are done stretching you now. I'm going to put it in."

"Oh Go-- Merlin, put it in me, put it in me!" he cried.

Snape skewered the boy with his throbbing, rock hard sausage of love. His weeping man meat slapped easily in and out of Harry who was mewling in pleasure. "Harry, you're mewling!"

Harry purred.

"Now you're purring! Are you part cat?"

"NO, I'M JUST REALLY TURNED ON!"

"Let's pretend you're eleven and we're doing this!"

Harry came in long shooting rivulets of sperm, staining his chest, the desk, some of Snape's clothing and even the ceiling. He came in torrents and Snape feared that there might be a flood. "OH GOD, I MEAN MERLIN, THAT WAS SO GOOD, I HAD TO CUM SO BAD!"

"You... came already?"

"YOU SAID ELEVEN!"

"Stop shouting, I'm not done. It's very distracting!"

"WE WERE SUPP- err, we were supposed to climax together!"

Snape came in side of Harry's ass, flooding his passage with his hot seed as Harry groaned, feeling it. Somehow. Wasting no time, Snape whirled the boy around and fed him the potion. "Now we will have our own ass baby. It will grow inside of your colon and inexplicably, you will not shit it out."

On hearing this, Harry ran off to grab women's maternity clothing and started to put on make up. "I'm going to be a mother! A father! A mother! I don't know, I'm just so excited to feel this baby growing inside of me, knowing that it's part you and part me. And we will grow old together watching our assbaby soon resent us for its mutant formation and really, really horrid hair."

"Oh Har, this makes me so happy that I could just give you a potion to make you have a vagina, which I will love even though I started out a gay pedophile!"

"Oh Severootikins! I'm so glad we had this talk. Oh, wait... the baby's coming! No... damn. Just gas."

"I love you so much, Har. You make me giggle," tittered Snape as he rubbed noses with the Boy Who Lived.

"I love you too, Severiffic! We'll never be lonely again!"

 

~The end~


End file.
